Seriously

Well, here it is. I am sixty-four today and spending the evening alone. My significant other is out of the country and all my children live in other cities. The house is very quiet and I am finding it difficult to fall asleep.

Thinking back to 1963, I remember thinking how different the world would be by this date, but I must admit I am a little disappointed. I expected cancer and heart disease would have been conquered by now. I thought we would be traveling to other planets and I thought education would have spread peace throughout the world. My generation is the one who worked in the Peace Corps and died in Vietnam. My generation brought in the Age of Aquarius and corporate greed. Whenever we take a step forward, something else jumps the track.

My children are adults and taking on the problems of life, while I am thinking about drawing Social Security and getting on Medicare. I have tried to teach them to be enthusiastic about life, but not take themselves as seriously as I have, because that is what lead me to this little disappointment. Over-reaching our ability to build a Great Society has plagued us from the time of King David, Alexander the Great, Augustus Caesar right on down to LBJ. Now our new leader is thinking he can do the same.

All in all, it has been an interesting and productive life, but I wish I had taken a little more time for fun and love. This serious stuff will never be finished because someone is always in the way. The best we can expect is to move forward in small steps and that journey takes more time than I have left.

Humor For A Change

I decided to open the pool the day before Easter because all my children are coming home for the holiday. The cover was removed. The water was checked and the appropriate chemicals were added, but the pool sweep was tied in a knot and needed to be released. As I knelt over the edge and reached for the pool sweep tubing, I lost my balance and fell head-first into the water. It is a good thing I had the heat pump on and the water was eighty degrees warm, because the air temperature was fifty-five. I was fine until I got out of the water and then I felt as if I would freeze.

I was fully dressed in jeans and sweat shirt, but the real casualty was my cell phone. It died an agonizing death due to the salt water and some exchange of ions. I spent the rest of the morning getting dry and then the afternoon was spent trying to replace the cell phone.

You can imagine the laughter and ridicule from my wife. She pointed out that we might need a pool boy because I will be sixty-four in a week and am too senile and clumsy to run a pool. This has damaged my ego. Go ahead and laugh. At least I am good for that.

Endings

We buried my mother's sister yesterday and it was bittersweet. The sweetness came from seeing cousins with whom I have lost contact and the bitterness came when I saw pictures of my mother with my deceased aunt. My mother has been gone nearly two years and there are still moments when I need to cry about it. This was one of them.

I do not fear death and I do not want anyone to live forever, but my parents and their generation gave us a world that seemed to belong to us. I felt safe and secure. It is a shame that my generation has messsed it up by our selfishness and that our parents got to enjoy it for such a short time. I would rather they be alive than me, because they sacrificed more and did a better job of running the world. I am almost ashamed.

Great Expectaions

Most people try to project their expectations on to you and then wonder what is wrong with you when you don't agree with them. They cannot accept that we are all different and all looking to find something other than what they want. It makes for a lot of sadness and confusion, but think of how dull it would be if we all wanted the same thing (significant other, house, car, food, friends). Oh, I guess that is what starts fueds or wars. We all want the same piece of land and we want everyone to live the same lifestyle. Get over it. Let us be free to live and love with as much freedom as possible. Don't get your shorts in a knot.

Get Real

So now the therapist says I am trying to replace the perfect love I had with my mother by falling in love with someone new and projecting all those qualities of perfection onto the object of my desire. I pointed out that I never wanted to f__k my mother, but doc replied that there is always a sexual component between parent and child of the opposite sex. When I told doc I never felt that, I was told that I was a child and not aware of sexual components but they still exist. I then said, "I suppose that just makes me a Motherf__cker." I thought the therapist was going to faint and that is when the session ended.